Queen Bee-atch's Realm

Haven's Special Day

2012-01-07T00:00:00.000+08:00

The warmest birthday greeting to my dear sunshine!

Do you still remember the line

"I'd saint your mother just for giving you birth"

It still holds to be true and yes I have been humming that song the entire day!

Happy Birthday Xam!

May all your wishes come true!

I love you!

And so it goes...

2011-12-29T12:45:00.006+08:00

Let me tell you about my day

and perhaps I shall not be judged that way

My day starts at 4:00am when I hear her rustling about

I prepare her breakfast and hope that she eats on her own

I feed her if she does not want to

I clean up after her and go downstairs to do her laundry

keeping silent as I wash her urine-drenched clothes and sheets

I give her a shower in spite of her anger

I change her diaper and hope that it would be a good day

I wash her when she has feces all over her

I clean when she has left a trail of excrement on the floor

while I muster everything for me not to gag or cry

I serve her meals on time and hope that she eats

as I sneak for awhile to freshen myself

I clean up after her and check the time

Half of the day has already gone by

The rest of the day is spent

on answering endless questions repeatedly

Of assisting her walk to and fro when sleep is lost to her

Of taking in her anger when I become her target of wrath

and when she decides to eat the food I give her in the afternoon

there is a certain happiness in me

for it means that I do not have to pick-up the pieces

when she decides to throw those at me

During night time there is not much difference

as days and nights seemed no different to her

A goodnight's sleep is but a rare gift

Sleep is not even a reprieve

When the sun rises to a new morning

my day would begin again...

No this is not my profession

I do not get paid

I care for my grandmother

Without asking anything for myself

So please forgive me If at times I cry or complain

Give me some leeway for I get weary and tired

I feel battered and bruised from deep inside.

The Story of Us

2011-11-11T17:29:00.000+08:00

"You Know What..."

2011-10-17T17:41:00.002+08:00

What happened today is truly one for the books.

May we never forget what transpired today and be grateful with how much talent you have (not just for sniping) but for the many ways I choose not to mention here, my ebay god.

With you, nothing is impossible.

You are probably tired of hearing this from me but it still holds to be true, there is nothing you can't do.

In Your Sleep

2011-05-30T19:26:00.001+08:00

How long have I been here
just watching you sleep
the slow breathing
the steady beat of your heart
your face, a map
holding a thousand stories
how I long to reach out
as I battle time
for in this place that we both share
where today and tomorrow are one
let me hold you as you slumber
let me keep you safe
let me wrap you
with all the love
that I can never say.

Cutting ties (08/29/2010)

2011-05-25T16:22:00.001+08:00

How do you even begin to tell a story when wounds are much too deep? When you have no idea when an issue even began, or what event turned things around to make one give-up and take that final step.

Not long ago, a family member dare question if I truly loved my father and that if I truly did, then I was supposed to follow in their lead. In their minds, they firmly believe that what that they are doing is the right thing. In order for me to do something like that, I am to turn my back on everything that I have believed in and forget the person that I am.

I have to learn the art of pretending. Of which I would never do.

I find it to be quite disturbing that their notion of the right path would include crossing lines, sneaking around, hushed whispers of gossip and decisions made by only the few supposedly wise members of the family. I haven't even delved on the topic of respect or perhaps the huge lack of it. They speak of acceptance and yet they turn a blind eye when the same is asked from them. It would seem that their notion of "family" is limited only to those whom they deemed deserving to belong with them.

So I chose to cut my ties. Watched it all fall away.
Nothing grand was lost. No life-altering moment. No sadness nor grief.

In fact there was peace.

8pm

2011-03-06T22:22:00.003+08:00

We will forever miss you baby Anya...

Waiting

2010-11-29T23:51:00.004+08:00

Your memory remains

I breathe it closer

I swear that I still feel you near

The cool wind is taking over
it’s taking over

So far away
you’re gone so long
ohh and I’m waiting

Haunted by your grace
you know I’m falling
so cool without you
always in my mind
I hear you calling

So far away
you’re gone so long
ohh and I’m waiting

The cool wind is taking over
it’s taking over
still you're
so far away
you’re gone so long
ohh and I’m waiting

Till that day
I take you home
know that I’m waiting
know that I’m waiting
know that I’m waiting

So far away
you’re gone so long
ohh and I’m waiting

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth (Well, not really.)

2010-11-13T20:42:00.015+08:00

I have never been a very stingy person, however when we are talking about undergoing a surgery to remove four of my 3rd molars paired with cosmetic dentistry procedures for the rest of my pearly whites, it becomes an altogether different story.

I have always taken pride when it comes to my teeth, I do believe that I got my set of strong and nice pearly whites from my father. My teeth have always been unique. I have got 2 sets of "twins" perfectly and evenly positioned on the bottom part of my teeth. A few canals which branched at the end rather than having a normal single path was also discovered during a root canal session. One of my wisdom tooth which is currently making its presence oh so painfully known has a horizontal impaction. Such impaction is the least common form roughly only 3% of the population has them. The tooth happens to be angled fully ninety degrees sideways and growing into the roots of the second molar. Yes, that tooth has gone batshitcrazy, defied the supposed direction of growth and decided to push the tooth beside it. The remaining three of my 3rd molars are all in vertical impaction happily playing peek-a-boo along the gumline. If this is the case of being unique, then please make me normal instead.

I love my dentists to pieces and totally trust them, however after a scheduled consultation, I was informed that the tooth has to go. Surgery?! Oh no! I don't care if they are that good as what you say (the fact that famous local stars chose them to be their dentists does not alleviate my fears). It is my teeth that we are talking about here! Mine! So yeah, it makes everything bigger. Unfortunately, my demented wisdom tooth chooses to agree with my doctor and seems to want out as well. I know that such treatments would cause twice or even thrice if I am to have it done in the US, but seeing the amount in Philippine peso, I could not help but cringe and wince as I look at my current quotation. Considering that the said computation only includes two 3rd molars to be removed. I am still debating with myself as to do it Machiavelli style and remove all four in one go or to do it by having two surgeries instead. Ay caramba, somebody sedate me!!!

Seeing it makes me have this firm belief that it will drive me straight to the poorhouse. I know for sure that a certain wallet? Will surely feel raped.

Breaking Free

2010-10-29T21:30:00.004+08:00

The closet is such a sad place. You won't really know how cramped it can be until you experience yourself how it is to truly be out of it. I was once in the closet and my coming out story was not truly difficult. It was having my first partner meet my parents that put me through a lot. That however deserves a different post.

I am one of those who does not see the "abnormality" of loving someone despite the fact that two people have the same gender. When I was younger, falling in love with a man felt like the most natural thing in the world, but so did falling in love with a woman. For me, love is love. No apologies. No justifications.

Though I have also learned that being openly gay does not necessarily mean total freedom. It happens when you enter a relationship where your partner is still hiding in that deep dark corner of the closet. That no matter how proud you are of yourself, your preference, your relationship and your partner, you tend to take a step back.

I experienced having wonderful dates and at the end of the day when all I wanted was to be able to hold her hand, I couldn't because the chance that people might see us was highly probable. It does not feel right when you are to hide everything that you are for fear of someone seeing the two of you together. Was it really that scary to be seen happy?

I never thought that I would somehow see the four walls of the closet once again...

For years I had to re-learn how to become the mistress of pronouns where "we" is the only pronoun to use rather than dealing with the intricacies of "he" or the formidable "she." When somebody asks: "What did you do last (insert holiday here)?" rather than saying "My girlfriend and I..." I choose to answer with "We..." Oh such glorified obfuscations were not a stranger to me. Leading people into believing whatever they wanted to believe and never having the right to correct them. Words can truly imprison you. Silence is not a safe and neutral ground, it is a prison cell.

On some occasions, I have experienced being with my partner only to be asked by an acquaintance why on earth they haven't met our boyfriends. Worse, being set-up with a man right in front of your beloved. I had to keep my mouth shut as I tried to swallow the many biting remarks I could not afford to spew. I felt trapped and unwanted.

Imagine loving someone and being loved in return in a madly, deeply, breathlessly, passionately - but secretly kind of way...

For awhile it is bearable that is true but in the long run it gnaws at you, and on certain low points in your life you ask yourself if you are not worthy of something more.

What kind of coward doesn't shout about the person they love?

A lot of homosexual relationships live on the "Oh they probably know about us, it's quite obvious right?" and so they choose to live by that. Waiting for a moment that might never come. Deluding themselves that their idea of obvious is enough. You know what, the notion that others probably know about your relationship just doesn't cut it.

I am not saying that you do it now. A grand coming-out moment with confetti and glitters as you blast out of the closet is not even required no matter how fabulous that may sound. If you think that coming out wouldn't make a difference, then you are wrong. It is true that people will choose to believe whatever they want to believe, but at least you are able to liberate yourself.

Fear compels you in that dark place.

Break free from its confines.

Take baby steps if you want.

Come out, piece by piece if you have to.

At a standstill

2010-10-21T17:25:00.005+08:00

I miss it.

The stolen kisses.

Where the earth is suspended on its axis
and when it starts to spin again
it's turning a little faster.

A Queen for a Queen

2010-10-19T23:13:00.001+08:00

"Consider it yours." That was what she said when I asked my wickedly brilliant sniper to secure me an already sold-out Venomous Villains Oh So Fair beauty powder.

I was teary eyed, panicky and very anxious with the thought of wanting something so bad and yet I can't seem to have it. I know that what I have just stated may sound silly and probably even too childish for some, but if you truly know me, you would know that: a) I am a Disney Villain addict b) I become restless when I want something sooooooo bad (this calls for one of those bad kind of want moment) and c) I do not give a crap what you think about the many things I want to have in my life (from the mundane up to the most grandiose).

After much soothing and trying to calm me down, I saw her face brighten up as she gave me her winsome smile...

"You are now a proud owner of a Disney Villain make-up."

It took a few seconds for me to actually realize what she just did, and when it dawned on me, I squealed with delight and thanked her in between giggles.

I still haven't gotten around in letting her know how grateful I am.

I guess I just have to find a way SOON ;)

♪♫ Broken ♫♪

2010-10-18T22:19:00.000+08:00

... The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead

and I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain (in the pain), is there healing

In your name (in your name) I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will

will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now,

haven't forgotten my way home...

Something wicked this way comes

2010-10-17T09:28:00.005+08:00

I do not know exactly when my love affair with the Disney Villains began. As far as I can remember, I have always been penchant to the other side of the characters in every Disney movie.

These "evil-doers" who would run things on their own rather than be like the princesses who would sit, sing and wait for the their prince to come charging just so things would happily end for them. To me, these villains were more interesting. More powerful, determined and cunning compared to the singing and dancing princesses. This may be twisted of me, but what the hell, my loyalty still lies with the villains up to this day.

Having declared my biased addiction to them, a few months ago, I heard about a cosmetic line (MAC specifically) would have a joint venture with Disney Villains, I was a bit excited and apprehensive. For one, I love (do I really need to reiterate this?!) the Disney Villains that the mere thought of them on anything - may it be on clothes, on my desktop, snow globes, stuffed toys, frames, hanging on my Christmas tree etc. makes me happy. On a darker note though is that I do not like wearing make-up as much as I used to many years back. So the thought of MAC cosmetics and Disney Villains combined, somehow made me unsure.

The uncertainty about the entire idea made me forget all the hoopla about it. It was only yesterday that I remembered and took the time to check how the MAC's limited edition turned out. As I read before, the cosmetic line was named MAC Venomous Villains Collection. Inspired by four Disney Villains namely: Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty), Cruella De Vil (101 Dalmatians), Evil Queen (Snow White) and Dr. Facilier (The Princess and the Frog).

Seeing their collection, I fell in love more if that is even possible. The limited edition cosmetic line consisted of beauty and blush powders, eye shadows, lipsticks, lip gloss, and even a compact mirror all of which are uniquely designed with iconic packaging you would want to keep forever.

Bad has definitely never looked this darn good.

Maleficent Set:

Cruella De Vil Set:

Evil Queen Set:

Dr. Facilier Set:

Price range is $15.00 - $25.00 tops. However there seems to be a shortage of the said Venomous Villains supply as most stores are now declaring that they are currently out of stock. So if you do find a MAC store which still has any of these beauties on display, I suggest you hoard them! After all, these are dazzlingly devilish that it's a sin not to have at least one!

The love that was, the love that is

2010-10-13T17:44:00.000+08:00

When a love so great ends, it puts everything in a maelstrom. You learn to endure how it is to be alone. From the moment you wake up in the morning until you cry yourself to sleep at night. You deviate from all things that the two of you used to do together. Force yourself to stop reaching for the phone just to hear her voice. You reflect on what went wrong, you go through hatred, anguish, longing, sadness, hope, doubt, realization, and a certain sense of pride. The same pride needed to pick up from where you left off the last time you were bawling and scratching your eyes off. You dust off remnants of all the used to be's and you try with so much courage and dignity to take a step forward, willing your entire being to never look back.

Yet, somehow you do look back. You know you shouldn't but you do wonder. Maybe a peek wouldn't hurt. You have, after all moved-on right?

So you stand tall, put on a smile, whisper a reminder that you are fine and you look...

The love that was so great - is still great.
Changed, bruised, and battle-scarred, but still beautiful.

You long to reach out, cry, and apologize
but you choose only to see and smile
knowing full well that the love that was
will always be great and will always be there.

Tsk... tsk... tsk...

2010-10-01T17:14:00.006+08:00

How silly of me to have forgotten to include this man on my list! This here, is Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester in the hit TV series Supernatural). This divine man along with the many creepy supernatural creatures keep me hooked on the series. Then again, I love and drool over the character he portrays and not really the actor. Hmm... that doesn't mean I ought to stop feeling all these sensations when I get to watch them on-screen right? ('coz I swear, it feels mighty mighty mighty fine)

This is Love

2010-09-27T15:56:00.010+08:00

I am far from being married much less being pregnant, but this just made me want to have a bun in the oven. It's an I-wish-I-can-give-birth-now moment.

This is all because Juicy Couture and Lacoste teamed up with Maclaren to create these gorgeous pieces. Reason enough that I would love to be pregnant and give birth to a beautiful baby girl and boy. I think having twins sounds mighty fine right about now.

This Juicy Couture would be purr-fect for my little empress:

Pink ♥ Brown

Juicy Couture fit for a princess.

A fur footmuff to keep our precious warm.

This Lacoste stroller on the other hand would be ideal for my little footbolero:

Hmm... if only finding a donor would be that easy.

Man-candies according to me

2010-09-25T18:20:00.012+08:00

I seldom find members of the male specie attractive. I do not however blame my being a lesbian with regards to such. When I do find a man-candy, I do believe I get smitten by them and develop a girly-crush-kind-of-thing over them. Some last for a few months, some years and some just every time I get to see them.

In the past months however, I find Zak Bagans of Ghost Adventures gush-worthy. I watch the series on Travel Channel and I have to admit that I get distracted between watching out for ghosts and watching Zak in every freaking episode. The highschool girl in me wouldn't mind being in a lockdown with him a-n-y-t-i-m-e.

Then of course there's Johnny Depp. This craziness over the actor has been going on for years. It actually is an on and off crush kind of thing with him. I do find that my admiration for this actor depends more on the roles that he portrays on the big screen and loved him best when he played Edward in Edward Scissorhands and as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Carribean.

I wonder if I have a penchant for pirates, paranormal seeking or frankenstein-ish traits in men. For now, I will just keep on crushing on them and enjoy their effects on me until I find my next man-candy.

Go figure.

2010-09-24T17:22:00.004+08:00

You remind me of a Katy Perry song.

Batshitcuhrayzee

2010-09-17T22:46:00.013+08:00

Have you ever encountered that one person

who actually holds the very thin line of your sanity?

Mine has been missing in action (not that I blame her)

resulting in these frequent bouts of anxiety,

paranoia, crying fest, temperamental streak

and severe malfunction for all types of motion.

You speak to me still

2010-09-10T19:23:00.004+08:00

While my eyes give me away,

your eyes tell a different story.

So why bother...

2010-09-05T15:05:00.001+08:00

It's hard to have a mother

who does not know how to appreciate.

Day 30 - Most unforgettable place

2010-08-30T11:46:00.001+08:00

Loew's Royal Pacific Resort

Day 29 — A photo of the youngest member of the family

2010-08-29T07:07:00.002+08:00

Our little hula girl ♥

Day 28 — Facial regimen

2010-08-28T10:26:00.000+08:00

Day 27 — A dish you are craving for

2010-08-27T11:20:00.000+08:00

Steamed crab with lemon butter sauce!

Digression 5: The Woman Who Cried Wolf

2010-08-26T16:01:00.004+08:00

My aunt and I never got along. Never.

She disliked me as much as I despised her. I was able to witness as she, along with her family stole from us. Heard the rumors spread behind our backs, was told about the times she used to hit my older sisters every chance she got, and manipulated my fragile grandmother for personal gain. What was supposed to be a happy event every time one sees a family member was never the case when she was around. Her mere presence changes things quicker than a heartbeat, we become guarded, weary and exasperated beyond measure. The lies between her teeth became too unbearable after years of hearing various versions of a sad, poor life that she was living.

Last night however, was a different story. When her daughter called, we were told that my aunt was in the hospital. It was an emergency and was asking for help.

A shadow of doubt. A nagging uneasiness.

We have been duped countless times in the past for far worse stories.

This time though, it was true after all. She was indeed in the hospital in a coma.

A few hours later, she died.

Things never changed between us and her family while she was alive. I had reservations about what I knew was about to happen. The pessimist in me just would not be shushed. Knowing my family, I knew they would soften up as they always did.

That same night, our family arranged everything for her and for her family. Hospital, funeral parlor, services, food, even the clothes she would wear...

Less than 24 hours later, we were told that her family does not need nor want our help. Wasn't it just timely that they declared such after everything has been paid for?

The pessimist in me is still triumphant. The family member in me however was crushed, for I knew that they needed all the help they could get. If they truly did not need any assistance, they never would have called. A little appreciation and not a spat of misguided pride would have sufficed. Now I am being asked by my immediate family to go to the funeral parlor to pay my last respects. How am I supposed to go there and do as they asked me to, if I do not feel even the littlest inclination of respect?

Does death mean that all misgivings of the departed are forgotten? That all wrong actions are granted forgiveness? Am I so evil not to feel remorse over her passing? Sad, yes. Remorse, not at all. I am more worried about my grandmother finding out that she has lost a daughter.

I am not a saint nor will I ever pretend to be one. I am not the most forgiving of soul. I'd rather stay home and be called heartless rather than pretend that I am grieving. I would never offer a shoulder to cry on, when the first thing I want to do is to whack them in the head for being a bunch of parasites in our lives.

Day 26 - A recipe

2010-08-26T11:12:00.001+08:00

Seafood Paella

Ingredients:
2 chicken thighs
2 chicken legs
1 teaspoon dried oregano
2 tablespoons sweet paprika
salt and pepper
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 Spanish chorizo sausage
4 garlic cloves, crushed
1 onion, diced
1 can tomatoes
drained and hand-crushed
1 cup rice, short to medium grain
1 teaspoon saffron threads
3 cups water
shrimps, peeled with heads and tails on
lobster tails, split
clams
mussels
crabs
parsley leaves, for garnish
1/2 cup sweet peas, frozen and thawed
bellpeppers, sliced
lemon wedges, for serving

How to cook:

Rinse the chicken pieces and pat them dry. Mix the oregano and paprika with some salt and pepper in a small bowl. Rub the spice mixture all over the pieces of chicken; marinate for 30 minutes so the flavor can sink in a bit.
Heat the olive oil in a paella pan or wide shallow skillet over medium-high heat. Place the chicken in the pan, skin-side down and brown on all sides, turning with tongs. Add the chorizo and continue to cook until the oil is a vibrant red color. Remove the chicken and sausage to a platter lined with paper towels.
Return the pan to the stove and lower the heat to medium. Make a sofrito by sauteing the garlic, onion, and tomatoes; cook until the mixture caramelizes a bit and the flavors meld; season with salt and pepper. Fold in the rice, stirring to coat the grains. Stir the saffron into the rice. Pour in the water and simmer for 10 minutes, gently moving the pan around so the rice cooks evenly and absorbs the liquid. Do not cover or constantly stir like risotto.
Add the shrimp, lobster, clams, the reserved chicken, and the chorizo. Give the paella a couple of good stirs to tuck in all the pieces and just let it simmer, without stirring, until the rice is al dente, about 15 minutes. Scatter the peas on top and continue to cook for 5 minutes, until the paella looks fluffy and moist. The ideal paella has a toasted rice bottom called socarrat. Allow to rest, off the heat for 5 minutes, and garnish with parsley. Serve with lemon wedges.

Day 25 — Favorite actor and actress

2010-08-25T11:47:00.003+08:00

Johnny Depp & Helena Bonham Carter

Day 24 — A gadget you can't live without

2010-08-24T09:00:00.001+08:00

Day 23 — A fanfiction

2010-08-23T08:32:00.000+08:00

ARIZONA'S STORY

by Xam

Arizona - Callie (Grey's Anatomy)

"She has been staring at her drink for the past 30 minutes..."

I heard a voice beside me say "Huh" and I vaguely realized I have said it out loud. Margaret gave me a quizzical look and I brushed her inquiries aside with a smile. Fortunately, she dropped the subject and continued discussing a gathering she is planning this coming week. I tried to listen the best I could but my eyes seem to keep wandering to that lone figure across the bar who is still staring at her drink for almost an hour now!

Dr. Calliope Torres, Senior Resident Orthopedic Surgeon. I've heard them call her Callie. She doesn't look like a Callie; Callie doesn't suit her at all. Callie is a name I would call a 4 year old girl with ponytails. Nope, she is all woman; strong, capable and confident; at least when I see her at the hospital...

I smile and tried to focus on Margaret. She seems all excited about this party and has been a very good friend to me since I arrived here in Seattle. The least I could do is try to be positive and enthusiastic, since she is throwing this party largely for my sake. For me to meet new people, probably somebody interesting. I'm not really that crazy about being set up but I really appreciated the gesture especially since I am relatively new in town.

I stole a glance to my right and was surprised to see somebody sitting beside her. Damn! I only averted my eyes for a minute and somebody discovered her already! No, wait... that girl looks familiar... I've seen her with Dr. Sloan from Plastics and they seem to be a couple. Hmm, in fact I think I have actually heard from one of my scrub nurses that they are indeed an item, eventhough she is just an intern and he is the attending surgeon of Plastic Surgery. Geez! The gossip from the nurses' station is sure all encompassing. But then again, if not for that, I wouldn't have known about her and Dr. Erica Hahn...

Uh-oh, where is she going? Was that tears I saw? Is she leaving already?

She hasn't paid yet though.

I didn't think anymore; I told Margaret I need to go to the ladies room and excused myself. I don't know what I am doing or what am I going say to say to her, but there is something about her that makes me want to take a leap of faith, even if I end up making an ass of myself.

Oh God! Please don't let me make me make a fool of myself with this girl!

I took a deep breath and turned the doorknob of the bar bathroom; it was unlocked.

She hurriedly tried to wipe traces of tears away but I know better.

Her reflection on the mirror says it all.

"Hey! Ortho, right?", I heard myself say out loud.

"Yeah". She is trying hard to be composed despite everything; I think I admired her a thousandfold more upon hearing that.

I want to just keep staring at her gorgeous brown eyes, but I am still a stranger in a bathroom to her. I decided to introduce myself to try and put her more at ease.

"I'm Arizona. Robbins. Peds Surgery. I've seen you at the hospital."

She still seems surprised but I felt her relax a little with that knowledge. It made me feel braver to inquire more about her.

"Are you okay?"

I felt the walls slowly go up, "You know I'm fine. Fine"

I chastised myself for moving too soon. I started babbling; I didn't mean to, but she looks almost ready to flee and that is the last thing I want. I want to reach out to her, want to comfort her, let her know that I know where she is coming from and that I understand...

"People talk. Where we work. They talk. A lot. So for the sake of being honest, I just want you to know that I know things about you... Because people talk"; I laughed nervously, hoping she is getting what I'm driving at.

She had a moment of confusion and it dawned on her. "Oh, you mean...?" I nodded in the affirmative. They are right about this woman being sharp and quick-witted and I am loving

it more by the minute.

"Terrific!" A curtain of devastation fell on her beautiful features. Damn, not the reaction

that I was hoping for. I started babbling again. I cringed inwardly and chastised myself;

Arizona Robbins, fix this now!

"It is actually! The talk People really like you over there. They respect you and they're

concerned, and interested..They really like you" I emphasized interested but the walls

seems to be going up higher and higher. She didn't notice the interested part.

I tried once more, "Some of them REALLY like you", to no avail.

I was going to elaborate further but the sad look on her eyes and the way her shoulders slumped dejectedly by her side made me stop. "You just.. you look upset" Suddenly I realized that what she needs right now, what is more important is to let her know, reassure her that there are people who care about her and who would want a chance to be with her.

"And I just thought that you should know... that the talk is good.” She still looks so sad;

I raced to get my point across. “And when you are not upset; when you are over being upset, there will be people lining up for you". I am one of them, but I kept that last bit to myself,

for fear of scaring her away again.

She relaxed a little and gave a half-hearted laugh. Her walls seems to stop growing for a moment. "You wanna give me some names?"

Ah Woman! Haven't you been listening all this time?

I looked at her. REALLY looked at her. She was trying to avert her eyes from me. But she was so vulnerable, hopeful and beautiful and I wanted her to know that I am right here but I don't know how to without scaring her and her walls seem to stop growing for a while and maybe if I could just get through to her and make her understand...

next thing I knew, I was kissing her...

Time froze for a minute; even my brain who can't stop babbling halted in its tracks when her soft lips met mine. All I know was that it felt right. She felt right in my arms...

When I broke the kiss and looked at her, I find her looking at me. REALLY looking at me; I am glad to not to see that sadness in her eyes; she is more beautiful without it.

I said to her ,“I think you'll know” And for the first time, I knew that she heard me.

I walked out the bar bathroom thinking to myself, Nope, definitely not a Callie.

And then I smiled, Nice meeting you Calliope.

Day 22 — What's in your purse?

2010-08-22T09:28:00.004+08:00

Day 21 — An art piece

2010-08-21T09:11:00.000+08:00

Sun and Moon Love

by Laura Pelick

Digression 4: There's no changing you

2010-08-20T21:22:00.004+08:00

I am sick and tired of hearing you complain. The only time you feel grateful is when the odds are gloriously on your side, and even that lasts only but a few moments. You would always find the next thing to complain about, to whine about and to find lacking in this life of yours. How I wish that for one day, for just one day you are to be given a different set of eyes and an unselfish heart. Then maybe, just maybe you would be able to hold on to the people who should truly matter in your life.

Digression 3: Kailangang lunukin.

2010-08-20T21:01:00.005+08:00

Ginusto ko ito hindi ba,

eh bakit nasasaktan ako?

Day 20 — Person you want to apologize to

2010-08-20T07:00:00.000+08:00

Day 19 — A hobby of yours

2010-08-19T09:58:00.000+08:00

Jewelry making ♥

Day 18 — A quote from a TV show

2010-08-18T11:31:00.001+08:00

Whoever said that plenty of fish in the sea was lying; sometimes there's only one fish. Trust me.

- Ally Mcbeal

Day 17 — Song you want for your wedding

2010-08-17T08:00:00.001+08:00

Day 16 — A place you want to go to one day

2010-08-16T09:00:00.000+08:00

This may be the only place that I am willing to actually endure such heat.

Day 15 — A YouTube video

2010-08-15T10:38:00.003+08:00

"Sana ako pa rin. Sana ako na lang, ako na lang ulit."
*sniff* Oh what sniveling sap I have become... *sniff*

Day 14 — A photo you took

2010-08-14T09:00:00.000+08:00

Chelsea Louise

Day 13 — A fictional book

2010-08-13T09:58:00.001+08:00

A re-telling of Cinderella with a lesbian twist *yum*

Digression 2: Read somewhere...

2010-08-12T18:20:00.000+08:00

You know it's over when your used to be song

doesn't affect you anymore.

*le sigh*

Day 12 — A TV program you are currently addicted to

2010-08-12T10:53:00.000+08:00

Zak Bagans, need I say more?

Day 11 — A passage from a book

2010-08-11T09:43:00.001+08:00

I dipped my hands in the water.

Liquid time.

And I thought,

"Go home and write the story again.

Keep writing it because one day she will read it."

You can change the story. You are the story...

Love is the keeper of the clocks.

I took off my watch and dropped it into the water.

Time take it.

Your face, your hands, the movement of your body

Your body is my Book of Hours.

Open it. Read it.

This is the true history of the world.

(J.W.)

Day 10 — A song that makes you cry

2010-08-10T08:00:00.001+08:00

Day 09 — A website

2010-08-09T11:00:00.003+08:00

sparkleaccessory.multiply.com

Day 08 — A memorable place

2010-08-08T09:00:00.003+08:00

There's no place like home...

Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy

2010-08-07T09:00:00.000+08:00

"Gorgeous... gorgeous... absolutely gorgeous"

Day 06 — Your favorite movie

2010-08-06T10:43:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah I know it's a trilogy

and you're only asking for one particular movie.

It does count still right? Oh what the hell...

Day 05 — A gift received

2010-08-05T10:30:00.002+08:00

Given by my sister ^_^

Digression 1: Topsy-turvy

2010-08-04T12:38:00.003+08:00

Why do I even bother?

Is it really too much to hope and to dream?

I guess all I have are mere delusions

and the thing with these delusions,

it almost always comes back with a bitchslap.

I hate myself.

Day 04 — Your favorite book

2010-08-04T09:17:00.001+08:00

Written on the body is a secret code only visible in certain lights: the accumulations of a lifetime gather there. In places the palimpsest is so heavily worked that the letters feel like Braille. I like to keep my body rolled up away from prying eyes, never unfold too much, or tell the whole story. I didn't know that Louise would have reading hands. She has translated me into her own book.

It's a simple story; love found, love lost, love found again - maybe. The unnamed narrator falls for a married woman called Louise. Louise leaves her husband but when she finds she has cancer, she leaves her new lover too. Written on the Body is a journey of self-discovery made through the metaphors of desire and disease.

All of my books are about boundaries and desire - the boundaries we should try to cross, like fear and class and skin-colour and expectation, and the boundaries that seem to define us, such as our sense of self, our gender. Disease, especially a disease like cancer or aids, breaks down the boundaries of the immune system and forces a new self on us that we often don't recognise. Our territory is eaten away. We are parcelled out into healthy areas and metastasised areas. Parts of us are still whole, too much has been invaded.

Against this, I wanted to look again, (I am always looking again) at love's ability to shatter and heal simultaneously. Loving someone else destroys our ideas of who we are and what we want. Priorities change, friends change, houses change, we change. Part of the strangeness of being human is our need of boundaries, parameters, definitions, explanations, and our need for them to be overturned. For most people, only the positives of love and faith (and a child is both), or the negatives of disaster and disease, achieve this. Death comes too late. The final shattering affects others, but not ourselves. - J.W.

Day 03 — Your favorite television program

2010-08-03T09:12:00.000+08:00

Supernatural - All seasons yo! *drool*

Day 02 — A photo of a person you miss the most

2010-08-02T10:08:00.000+08:00

My Father

Day 01 — Your favorite song

2010-08-01T09:30:00.000+08:00

30 days of me >:)

2010-08-01T09:00:00.002+08:00

I was tagged in one of those 30 day activity (nothing physical believe me, I am much too lazy for such) that I would like to indulge in.

So for 30 consecutive days, I would be posting whatever is required on a particular day.

Hmm, let me give this a try then :)

Are you really there?

2010-07-27T21:06:00.005+08:00

It's night time and I just came home from a meeting. I unlocked the door and immediately greeted you and Shadow. My little four-legged boy was running in circles around my feet and was begging for a walk which I indulged him with. After much pulling and tugging, I was able to calm down my not-so-little boy and made him come into the house.

Exhausted and with a splitting headache, I sat down beside you and told you about my day. I spoke quickly and much too excitedly about the meeting I had that I am not sure if I made any sense at all. My stories were all jumbled in my head as I told you things that were bothering me, those that were making me happy and all the worries I was scared shitless about. A monologue which lasted for almost 10 minutes.

Then silence.

I gathered my thoughts, took one deep breath and asked you a question,

an assurance of some sort that things would be okay...

The only light that was on in the house started to flicker and it turned off.

Hmm... I joked about it with you and said that answering me in a dream would have sufficed as I tried to find my way around a pitch dark living room.

I'm taking that your response to me was a "Yes"?

and I am happy that you do miss me too Daddy.

The unspeakable truth

2010-07-15T10:03:00.008+08:00

How do I even begin to tell you

the immensity of just how much I am missing you.

Or the fact that I love you.

The kind of love that crawls under my skin

felt from the very core,

which spreads to the tips of my fingers

and explodes in a multitude of colors in my head.

I painstakingly yearn for you

as I go through life's motions day by day

longing for the time I would be allowed

to come home again.

Going back to my roots

2010-06-30T21:03:00.005+08:00

Quite literally.

I'm back to having my long black hair.

Though unfortunate traces of my previous wayward streak still shows, a few wisps here and there which frustrates me to death, simply because "they" won't go the direction I want them to, I realize I really missed my hair looking so. If only I can yank my hair just to make them longer I probably would have done that.

Oh well, I guess the next time I'll be changing my hair color would be when I'd already be eligible to apply for my own Senior Citizen's Card.

Now, if only I can find the will to brush it...

I'm Yours

2010-06-29T15:40:00.002+08:00

I have always known

that one last time was real

as you have spoken the words

I whispered it quietly in my heart

it may not seem like very much

now that all is lost and done

I know deep inside me

I am still all

yours.

“The Chaos” by G. Nolst Trenite

2010-06-25T17:56:00.001+08:00

If you can correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.

Dearest creature in creation,

Study English pronunciation.

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.

I will keep you, Suzy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye, your dress will tear.

So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word,

Sword and sward, retain and Britain.

(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as plaque and ague.

But be careful how you speak:

Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;

Cloven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,

Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,

Exiles, similes, and reviles;

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war and far;

One, anemone, Balmoral,

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;

Gertrude, German, wind and mind,

Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Viscous, viscount, load and broad,

Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation’s OK

When you correctly say croquet,

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,

Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour

And enamour rhyme with hammer.

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,

Doll and roll and some and home.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,

Neither does devour with clangour.

Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,

Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,

And then singer, ginger, linger,

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,

Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.

Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.

Though the differences seem little,

We say actual but victual.

Refer does not rhyme with deafer.

Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Mint, pint, senate and sedate;

Dull, bull, and George ate late.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,

Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed, but vowed.

Mark the differences, moreover,

Between mover, cover, clover;

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police and lice;

Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,

Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor.

Tour, but our and succour, four.

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Sea, idea, Korea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria.

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion and battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.

Say aver, but ever, fever,

Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.

Heron, granary, canary.

Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.

Ear, but earn and wear and tear

Do not rhyme with here but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,

Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation — think of Psyche!

Is a paling stout and spikey?

Won’t it make you lose your wits,

Writing groats and saying grits?

It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:

Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough —

Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?

Hiccough has the sound of cup.

My advice is to give up!!!

The poem above is called “The Chaos” and was written by G. Nolst Trenite, a.k.a.Charivarius (1870-1946).

First Father's Day without a father...

2010-06-20T07:00:00.005+08:00

How can I greet you now? A kiss on the urn? A bouquet of flowers? A banquet fit for a king? Would a silent whisper suffice? How would I know it would reach your ears? Do I speak to you with my heart? How would I know it would reach you when your heart has stopped its beat?

365 days ago, all three of us celebrated your day peacefully.

365, day ago you even complained that I had prepared so much food when you can only eat so little.

365 days ago, we watched a movie at home.

365 days ago, we teased you about "stealing" from our bag of chips when you had your own which was what the good doctor prescribed

365 days ago, we greeted you again just before we went to sleep

365 days ago our house was full of laughter as we reminisced what we did that day

...

365 days after, only two celebrated

365 days after, you were no longer complaining about all the dish I prepared

365 days after, I sit alone and try not to feel so much

365 days after, what I'd give just to hear your laughter once again

365 days after, I wish my prayers you would hear

and 365 days after, I silently weep as I whisper to you just how much we miss you.

Dug out of your drawer

2010-06-19T18:23:00.004+08:00

GSF

June 2008

A Minute of Refuge

2010-06-09T21:36:00.006+08:00

A single song.

That was all it took to have me plummeting down through memory lane.

Just the right amount of sentiments to have me weeping like a lost girl all over again.

The song hasn't even reached the heartbreaking part and yet the memories played with so much clarity, that closing my eyes tightly or forcibly shaking my head was futile in trying to escape the onslaught of what was to come.

Have you ever experienced remembering a memory so distinct that everything comes alive again as if you were able to transcend time and space? Being able to smell the fresh cut grass, feel the wind caressing your skin, the touch of a warm embrace, the soothing voice flowing languidly as you lavish on that particular day and time... A snippet of a life once lived.

How can it be so real? So tangible, so acutely present yet so realistically a past.

So you ride it out, not really wanting it to continue but not really having the strength to stop it.

Whether it be the guilt, the longing, the wanting, or the sheer helplessness of the moment, I am not certain why I chose to see and be in it once again.

Then I come back. Back to the now that I call my life.

Everything is the same. Untouched, unmoved, the hands of time barely moved.

Yet the turmoil inside was ravaging in the reality that I am changed.

Yes, I miss you.

I painstakingly miss you.

I now know the reason why I chose to stay in that memory.

You.

So I can be with you again even for awhile.

The only time I can ever have for now.

Frequent is an understatement

2010-06-04T15:22:00.013+08:00

In the past weeks, I have noticed

that I have one very frequent visitor in my blog.

When I say frequent, I mean visits-every-hour-of-every-frackin'-day.

In fact, if I were to give points to this person for every peek in my blog, he can actually redeem points to his heart's content. Pretty much like a frequent flyer card that airlines offer.

Anyway, I hope that my visitor is truly enjoying my blog and not plagiarizing my work...

I do not want to start a manhunt on anyone's saggy ass now do I?

Inescapable

2010-05-30T13:40:00.003+08:00

I hate that one particular moment

when the painful realization would hit me

that you are never coming through the door ever again.

♫♪ All You Are ♪♫

2010-05-16T10:54:00.008+08:00

I wanna see the world through your eyes for a day,

maybe catch a glimpse of what it's like.

To be so beautiful underneath all the pain,

maybe see the soul that lies inside.

You are, the face that you never show.

Ooh ahh, it hides all I wanna know, let me see.

All you are, it makes my heart break.

All you are, and I'm waiting here.

All you are, waiting all my life for.

The moment you might step outside

show me what's been hiding under there.

When you unlock the gate, twilight's fall daylights break.

Nothing stop the way I felt for you now.

Cause Ive seen through the nights,

through the tainted coloured glass.

Saw inside the love behind the shadow.

You are, the face that you never show.

ooh ahh, it hides all I wanna know, let me see.

All you are, it makes my heart break.

All you are, and I'm waiting here.

All you are, waiting all my life for.

The moment you might step outside

show me what's been hiding underneath

The past I know it's gone so fast,

sometimes the bad things stay.

While all the good tends to fade

out of your heart and mind

but somethings left behind

and baby no one can take it away yeah.

Translucency

2010-05-09T15:09:00.008+08:00

It starts the moment the bright sun comes shining through the door.

I sit and watch you as I keep my fingers crossed. Hoping against hope that the thoughts I keep are the same ones you seek.

You shift a little. Anticipation. Words said. A smile. A witty remark. Laughter. Humming. Straining. Calling. Holding. A murmur. Silence.

I see you in front of me, but not really. There then gone in a heartbeat. Like the sun and the shadows playing hide and seek. A girl hopping from one to the other, pavement after pavement, chasing shadows, looking back and waiting for one to follow. So it continues until the sun turns red.

Say the goodbyes and the goodnights.

Perhaps tomorrow,

maybe tomorrow will be a different day

perchance in the morning,

I no longer need to wait.

You Can Let Go Now Daddy...

2010-02-27T14:25:00.001+08:00

We'll sing again someday

2010-02-24T22:19:00.003+08:00

They’ve always said that I am every bit my father’s daughter. Many years ago, I wouldn’t have believed it, probably even hated it. Now however is a totally different story.

It has been 5 months and 15 days since my dad passed away. The void is still painfully there, a certain longing and the uncertainties still lurk in the shadows. I may not cry as hard now, but when my tears do fall, it hurts just as much as the day he went away.

I seek solace from random memories of him and me, and tonight, I am grasping as much from it like a lifeline.

When I was a kid, I never really thought much of certain moments that my dad and I shared. Now as an adult who is feeling the great loss, I reminisce the times we were together...

My mind wanders back on particular days that my father would take his guitar from where it hung, sit on a chair and would start strumming. It was my cue to immediately run to him (invited or not) wriggle my way from under his arm to sit on his leg, my goal was to be caught in between guitar and chest. I wasn’t particularly sure what song he was singing before I went up to him, but I know that somehow, we would sing that song which would always have my mother and grandmother sitting with us in the living room.

He would usually start by kissing the top of my head. I couldn’t really see much from where I was sitting but I knew that my dad has begun playing the guitar. I would feel the vibrations coming from the instrument, his left hand moving left and right, right arm going up and down as the guitar magically comes to life. I would then hear him hum, though I was not really sure when my part would begin. I would just listen to him sing or hum while I moved my head in time with his song. Then I would hear it – MY PART! I would feel a gentle nudge and it was then that I would sing that certain chorus that I have learned by heart. I would bellow with much bravado and sometimes, I would catch him chuckling as he continued to play. My mother and grandmother would often encourage us to continue and somehow, my father always indulged them. I was painfully shy when I was a kid, but it was during those times that I never felt timid.

This is my part of the song:

Tatanda at lilipas din ako

(I’ll grow old and one day I’ll pass away)

Ngunit mayro'ng awiting

(But there will be a song)

Iiwanan sa inyong alaala

(that I shall leave for you to remember)

Dahil minsan, tayo'y nagkasama

(for all those times we were together)

I miss my father terribly. The loss is great, the sadness inexplicable.

Moments that I wish he is still around, the kid in me cries for that so much, but the adult in me knows that he is so much better off without the pain. I am grateful that I am truly my father’s prized daughter; and when the missing part goes unbearable yet again, I can always think back on the memories that no one can ever take away.

Imploding

2010-01-25T23:49:00.006+08:00

I am aching,

a pain that starts at the gut

as it throbs in my chest

with every beat of my heart

a pounding in my head

the clenching of my fists

as I coil everything in

and I purse my lips

never to let out a scream.

If Only You Knew

2010-01-21T11:26:00.005+08:00

I am having an affair

with you in my mind.

Ever changing

we move from place to place.

Where you can be mine

as I can be yours.

Even for awhile,

just for awhile.

The (Wo)man Who Can't Be Moved

2010-01-18T22:48:00.003+08:00

Going back to the corner where I first saw you

Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand

saying, "If you see this girl, can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money. They don't understand

I'm not broke I'm just a broken-hearted man

I know it makes no sense but what else can I do?

How can I move on when I'm still in love with you?

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be

Thinkin' maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet

And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman said, "Son, you can't stay here"

I said "There's someone I'm waiting for, if it's a day, a month, a year"

Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows

If she changes her mind, this is the first place she will go

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be

Thinkin' maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet

And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy who's waiting on a girl

Whooaahoo..

There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Whooaahoo..

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved

Maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news

You'll come running to the corner

'cause you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me

(Find you're missing me)

And your heart starts to wonder where on this Earth I could be

(Oh, where on earth I could be?)

Thinkin' maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet

(To the place that we'd meet, ohhh)

And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

(On the corner of the street)

I'm the man who can't be moved

So I'm not moving

('Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me)

I'm not moving

(And your heart starts to wonder where on this Earth I could be)

I'm not moving

(Thinkin' maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet)

I'm not moving

(And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

Going back to the corner where I first saw you

Gonna camp in my sleeping bag. I'm not gonna move

Goodwill for once

2010-01-14T22:04:00.004+08:00

My being a lesbian is actually an act of Christian Charity.
Imagine all those women praying so hard to have a man...
and I'm actually giving them my share!

A moment of truth

2010-01-01T23:26:00.000+08:00

Friend 1: Do you still think of her?

Friend 2: Everyday of my life.
Friend 1: True.

Hear what I don't always say

2009-12-26T21:47:00.001+08:00

How do I even begin to say how much I love you

when with just one look at you

even in your state of consciousness or in slumber

you rob me of words.

The way your hair flows gently on your shoulder

with curls trailing down your back

your soft breasts perfectly set

to meet with the curve of your waist and your hips

The arch on your back

the way you move your hands

even when you run your fingers through your hair

The quick wit that captured me right from the start

The easy sound of your laughter

The silent understanding behind your knowing eyes

Your soothing voice

Your loving arms

These are but few of the things that I see through my eyes...

And when you stand in front of me

Sometimes shy and unsure

It would seem that you are unaware

of just how much beauty I see

and when all I can muster

are the simple words “I love you.”

Know that what I’m really trying to say

is that it is with you,

whom I would like to spend the rest of my life with.

A Daughter's Eulogy

2009-09-11T22:00:00.001+08:00

My Daddy Brod

I remember distinctly that particular Sunday morning when my father told me not to join a sorority yet since I was still a freshman at the time. I was both nervous and anxious since I was already a member of the Sigma Delta Phi Sorority and had no way of denying my batch when it was time to introduce myself to him as a sister.

When the time of introductions came, I bravely shook his hand and introduced myself as Gwen '97, he smiled widely as he took my hand, stated his name and enunciated his batch. He told me how our seniority would work perfectly for him at home.

I can never forget that smile.

My dad took on many roles.

He was everything and anything I needed him to be on any particular moment.

My daddy when I was a kid...

He would sit me on his lap, play the guitar and we'd sing our hearts out.

He was there when I first tried to ride a bike. All the while I thought it was so easy to ride since I was doing it with much ease, only to realize that all the while, his hand was behind me making sure that I wouldn't fall.

My dad when I was a teen...

While I was addicted to changing looks, he was the one who would actually dye my hair as long as we agree on a particular shade. He never fancied too much color. When I turned 18, he was my first dance, he whispered to me that no matter how grown up I become,

I will always be his princess.

My dad when I was a young adult...

He took on the role of being not just our father but a mother, a chef, chauffeur, electrician, plumber, carpenter, and everything rolled in between.

My adult life with him may have been cut short,

but I have no regrets.

Now that he's gone,

offer me no cliches,

or say the same old overused lines.

For no matter how much time passes by

I know I will forever miss him.

My father once told me to go find myself beyond the sun...

Daddy, I will try my very best.

I love you so much.

You will always be my only hero.

My hero has fallen.

2009-09-09T06:21:00.001+08:00

April 8, 1947 - September 9, 2009