The distance between us

In little whispers I long to call your name
My mind wanders back
on how you used to look at me
but now sadness is all I see

This brutal assault goes on and on
As tide after tide cannot seem to wash away
all the misgivings, failures and decisions made.

Now everything is all choked up
Buried deep inside
As your face is etched in me
and the uncertainty claws at me.

I am torn
I am broken
waiting for a salvation
that might never be.

What have I done?

Less than a minute
my world's upside down.
Point taken.
You win,
and I'm a mess.

A cry for help.

I have always prided myself for being a strong, stubborn, independent, decisive and driven woman. But lately, lately I have found myself going in all directions. I feel that I am torn and pulled by a lot of things, people, circumstances, lack of decision and fear.
Yes fear. I am scared beyond my capacity.
A certain point in my life where insecurities set in.

Past mistakes seem to haunt me.
Wrong decisions I have made in the years past are dug.
Mistakes of my youth are reflected upon.
The I should-have-beens take a piece of me.
The uncertainty of my future takes a bigger chunk of me.
I feel that I am going round in circles.
An endless cycle of roundabout. It offered me some time.
Time to escape for awhile.
I took solace in that indecisive paradise for awhile,
yet I am wrong once again.
When I should have faced it head-on I opted to escape.
I ran because I was scared... I am still scared.
I fear that I will not be able to meet the expectations,
the hopes, the dreams.
I still feel sorry. I am weak. I am lost,
and I am asking for your hand to take
to not let me escape what should be
and to know that if everything else fails,
I would still have you.