Vanity and Vampires

I took a picture of my dresser. I liked how it looked. My phone, my Disney villain picture frame, my cranberry scented aromatherapy set, candles and my jewelry tree where most of my favorites can be found (I stash my seldomly worn accessories in a box under my bed) I like my room. I like how my father designed it. Though I guess he never really expected that I needed a lot - and I mean a lot of tall and wide cabinets, a walk in closet wouldn't even suffice so I just hoarded more of my things in the other room's closets. As of the time being, I am still decorating and redecorating my room - with thick white cloths.

Why?

Simply because I need my room to be dark as night even if it's only 1:00pm. My beloved partner currently works in a callcenter. Does that explain everything? Well, you might even wonder why the hell do I use white thick cloths, it's because my windows are different. I never wanted those darn blinds that seems to gather nothing but dust - of which I am allergic to. I love curtains but not in my room. I opted to go for capiz on my windows. No, it's not the kind you see in old houses in the province where you tend to push with all your might the heavy wood/capiz windows to see the outside world.

My customized capiz are red and white in color which of course matches my cranberry room. It hangs on the windows which serves as the curtain. I love it best when the wind blows because it makes those sounds that are uniquely from capiz when it moves and touch each other. Like chimes, only it's different than the common chimes you hear with metal against metal clanging kind of thing.

Anyway, it's been over two months now since I last saw and heard my capiz at work and I feel like a vampire. My room is so dark you need to turn the lights on even if it's broad daylight outside. I can't go out of the house without my shades on and I definitely cannot stand the heat outside. I actually like staying in my "red coffin"

Who cares if my windows are no longer telltale signs of time in the outside world? Who cares if I don't get to see sunlight anymore? At least I know that the next time I'll be under the sun, it's because I'm wearing my Victoria's Secret swim wear and that my feet are touching the sand on the beach. I get to share my room with my vampire of a partner wrapped in a warm embrace, wake up to have have a meal at God knows what time, watch movies, talk, lounge, have baths together and - I think I should stop now! wink wink.

Isn't that heaven? What more can I ask for?

A surprised siopao!

This has got to be the cutest passport picture I have ever seen!

This is how she looks like on her passport picture:

Baby Kaitlin got so surprised with the camera's flash that her picture turned out like this! Makes me want to bite my little niece's chubby cheeks!

GwEn gwen GWEN gWeN

One boring day, as I was surfing the net I came across a webpage wherein it gives your name a whole new meaning. It was actually funny. Here's what happened to my name:

This is soooooooooooooo true!

* Wink Wink *

Okay, if they say so!

Picture perfect

For some reason I find myself in this dark emptiness that engulfs the entirety of me. It hinders me from functioning even for a while. Everything I do seems meaningless, like a dead end towards nothingness. I can't cry. I don't feel like it. I don't think it would even make a difference if I did. I don't want to talk with anybody. What will I tell them? Nothing. I want silence and yet I don't.

Ancestral House

So this is what's been keeping my daddy busy:

It's been over three months now and this gigantual edifice is still not finished. This is our ancestral house in Santiago Isabela. No, it is not a bigger "Pinoy Big Brother House" nor was it ever inspired by the said abode.

But of course, before the house became like this, I'll show you its evolution.

This is how it all began, my father decided to not only renovate the house rather have it actually brought down to rumbles so he can rebuild an entire new one.

This is how the front of the house looked like two months ago.

THE skylight in progress which everyone is crazy about.
It covers the entire second floor from front to back. It gives divine lighting to the entire floor as it gives that happy sunshiny feeling to anyone who's there. On the said floor would be the Japanese-themed garden complete with falls and plants.


View from the back.


Front view.


The main door which isn't finished yet.


This is the living room area with a lanai option leading to the garden.

The house is still not finished. My last count was 10 rooms and 5 toilet and baths, spacious garden which my grandfather is planning to decorate himself, 7-8 car garage, and a basketball/badminton court. When asked, my dad is still not sure if that would be the final count. Oh well, it's sure to be a great place for family reunions! Anybody wanna play hide and seek with me?

Fingersmith

Finally, I was able to watch a good movie after weeks of boredom. I watched this flick with Janina sleeping (she just came from work) in my room. I liked this better than her first work (Tipping the Velvet) and actually enjoyed this one from start to finish. Yes, I was even surprised at the end.

From Sarah Waters, author of Tipping the Velvet, comes this twisting and twisted Victorian-era thriller with an L-word charge.

Sally Hawkins stars as Sue, an orphan who grows up among the reprobates of Lant Street to become an accomplished "fingersmith" (thief). Elaine Cassidy costars as Maud Lilly, an heiress who, as a young girl, was plucked from the madhouse and raised by her stern, bibliophile uncle (Charles Dance). He makes her wear gloves at all times so as not to smudge the precious tomes he makes her read every night.

Enter Richard Rivers (Rupert Evans, the otherwise sterling cast's weakest link), an artist hired to give her painting lessons. But he has designs on Maude's fortune, and recruits Sue for an elaborate con. That's when the gloves really come off.

Originally broadcast on the BBC, this riveting three-part tale of illicit passion and betaryal is by turns harrowing and quite erotic (the tasteful sex scenes manage to generate heat without baring a lot of skin). The literate script reveals its feminist leanings ("You are a man and might do everything," Maude tells Richard during their first meeting. "I am a woman and might do nothing."). The superb cast includes Academy Award-nominee Imelda Staunton (Vera Drake) as Mrs. Sucksby, a Fagin-esque character who mentored Sue, and has a few surprises for Maud, as well.

This adaptation of Sarah Waters' book was even better than "Tipping the Velvet" - better plot twists, more curvy storyline, etc. She "teases out" the subtext of Victorian novels to bring them into the forefront - giving them much deserved attention.

Acceptance

I'm here in my room with my loving partner sleeping beautifully, and I can't help but wonder why acceptance seems to be the hardest thing to do for both of you. I have been more than just a good daughter. I have followed most, if not all the things you've always told me to do. I have fulfilled your dreams that your other daughters/sons could not give you. I have been the role model, the favorite girl, the little princess, and the perfect daughter one could have. I have always done my best to keep you happy, for God knows how much I love you and that I'd go to great lengths to see that everything's okay. But it seems to be getting harder and harder now that I am trying to live my life the way I choose to live it.

I know you always will see me as your little daughter no matter how much gray hair I might have on my head but does that mean you will never let go of me?

I know you love me but can't you try to just let go of my neck, and hug me for once?

Take time to see through my eyes and not turn your backs on something that you have judged and categorized blindly.

Must I really wait for the time that you are no longer here on earth for me to be finally free?

You have raised one great daughter, so why can't you let me go? What are these wings for if you forbid me from flying to where I want to be?

What are you trying so much to save me from? Am I really in danger? Is it a matter of life and death? Would it really kill me to love someone just because this wonderful person that I am happily with happens to be a woman herself?

Would you rather have me married off to a man whose face I won't even remember before I fall asleep at night? Would you rather have me become a submissive wife to a man whose infidelity can never be denied? To have me lying awake at night cogitating and counting how many illegitimate children my so-called husband has? Would you rather have me living a life full of lies and tears? To have me hiding behind the norms pretending to be happy and content but bleeding and dying inside?

Haven't you learned enough from each other that following and living the "normal" life is not a sure way towards happiness?

Haven't you had your own share of sins just to pursue your own individual happiness?

Why label what I treasure as "abnormal" when you yourselves had done things that can also be called "abnormal" or even depraved?

How can you bear to keep me unhappy if for once in my life I want to think of my own happiness instead?

Do you know what truly pains me? That the most important people whom I practically owe my life to are the exact same people hindering me from being happy. I am so torn. How can you bear to hurt me this much? Haven't I loved you enough? Don't I deserve to be happy with the kind of life I choose to have?

Can't you give me that chance?

Just a little recognition please?

A little tolerance?

A little understanding?

Let us prove to you that we deserve each other. That a couple can be happy no matter how much you label it to be "abnormal." That I am still the daughter you raised well. That I can still continuously grow to be a better person even if I am with someone whom you do not
approve of just because she is a woman.

A little chance please? A little hope? A little faith?

I want to be happy.

I want to be happy.

Please let me go.