Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Day 04 — Your favorite book


Written on the body is a secret code only visible in certain lights: the accumulations of a lifetime gather there. In places the palimpsest is so heavily worked that the letters feel like Braille. I like to keep my body rolled up away from prying eyes, never unfold too much, or tell the whole story. I didn't know that Louise would have reading hands. She has translated me into her own book.

It's a simple story; love found, love lost, love found again - maybe. The unnamed narrator falls for a married woman called Louise. Louise leaves her husband but when she finds she has cancer, she leaves her new lover too. Written on the Body is a journey of self-discovery made through the metaphors of desire and disease.

All of my books are about boundaries and desire - the boundaries we should try to cross, like fear and class and skin-colour and expectation, and the boundaries that seem to define us, such as our sense of self, our gender. Disease, especially a disease like cancer or aids, breaks down the boundaries of the immune system and forces a new self on us that we often don't recognise. Our territory is eaten away. We are parcelled out into healthy areas and metastasised areas. Parts of us are still whole, too much has been invaded.

Against this, I wanted to look again, (I am always looking again) at love's ability to shatter and heal simultaneously. Loving someone else destroys our ideas of who we are and what we want. Priorities change, friends change, houses change, we change. Part of the strangeness of being human is our need of boundaries, parameters, definitions, explanations, and our need for them to be overturned. For most people, only the positives of love and faith (and a child is both), or the negatives of disaster and disease, achieve this. Death comes too late. The final shattering affects others, but not ourselves. - J.W.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Day 01 — Your favorite song

30 days of me >:)

I was tagged in one of those 30 day activity (nothing physical believe me, I am much too lazy for such) that I would like to indulge in.
So for 30 consecutive days, I would be posting whatever is required on a particular day.
Hmm, let me give this a try then :)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Are you really there?


It's night time and I just came home from a meeting. I unlocked the door and immediately greeted you and Shadow. My little four-legged boy was running in circles around my feet and was begging for a walk which I indulged him with. After much pulling and tugging, I was able to calm down my not-so-little boy and made him come into the house.

Exhausted and with a splitting headache, I sat down beside you and told you about my day. I spoke quickly and much too excitedly about the meeting I had that I am not sure if I made any sense at all. My stories were all jumbled in my head as I told you things that were bothering me, those that were making me happy and all the worries I was scared shitless about. A monologue which lasted for almost 10 minutes.

Then silence.

I gathered my thoughts, took one deep breath and asked you a question,
an assurance of some sort that things would be okay...

The only light that was on in the house started to flicker and it turned off.

Hmm... I joked about it with you and said that answering me in a dream would have sufficed as I tried to find my way around a pitch dark living room.

I'm taking that your response to me was a "Yes"?
and I am happy that you do miss me too Daddy.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The unspeakable truth




How do I even begin to tell you
the immensity of just how much I am missing you.
Or the fact that I love you.
The kind of love that crawls under my skin
felt from the very core,
which spreads to the tips of my fingers
and explodes in a multitude of colors in my head.
I painstakingly yearn for you
as I go through life's motions day by day
longing for the time I would be allowed
to come home again.