Harry Potter and the Order of the BARBARIANS

My father decided to take me and my younger sister out on a date to watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix movie. The movie wasn't the greatest but what made it worse was the group of idiotic boys (most probably ages 17-20) who were sitting behind us.

Have you encountered anyone who has the habit of watching a flick with their mouths open? No I do not mean the kind where their snores are audible 2 blocks away with drool all over their shirt, but the kind of unending blabber they could ever muster from the start of the movie to the end. Isn't that the most irritating thing on earth when you're in a moviehouse?

As an example, a scene where Harry Potter went through a magic door when all of a sudden the guy behind me says: "Oh look! Harry went through the door! (which was followed by a more irritating laugh)" DAMMIT! EVERYONE IN THE MOVIE HOUSE CAN BLOODY WELL SEE THAT HARRY WENT THROUGH THE DOOR!

Or what about this guy's friend who has decided that the movie was boring and opted to use his mobile phone (which was set to ring everytime a new message arrives) to chat with someone? How barbaric can you be?!

Oh but that's not all, the guy behind me then suddenly had the urge to shake his leg (God only knows what he was doing with a GP movie in front of him!) causing the back of my seat to shake as well. That was the last straw! So I told him: "Listen DICKWAD, can you stop your barbaric chatter and your shaking puny legs and shut the fuck up stupid ass!" Unfortunately I do not think he understood a single word I said since it was in English but I think the tone I used was enough to get through his dense minuscule and useless brain.

So much for General Patronage huh? Plus the fact that my dad was there to hear me talk trash to much dirtier trash. Oh well, at least that got through him. I was so tempted to whack him senseless until his skull cracks open to have his one inch brain fall to the floor (but decided not to since my Juicy Couture was much too expensive to be used for the likes of him) Oh yes, that single bag of mine can very well pay for the group's entire wardrobe! Geezuz what a group of mongoloids!

So I have decided that I should buy a very cheap bag with rocks as design (if possible) so that I can use it and won't feel a tinge of remorse when I can finally bludgeon a barbarian to death in a moviehouse.

Klein's Sexual Orientation Grid

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 4.38

Hmm... I wonder if my wife agrees...

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:


0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

What Sexy Girl Are You?

You Are Sensual Sexy

You exude a luxurious sensuality in your everyday life Turning heads everywhere you go, it's all about your sexy attitude. You're naturally hot - gorgeous in both sweats and stilettos. Your biggest problem is that your ultra sexy self sometimes scares men away.

What Kind of Sexy Girl Are You?

Will "everything" ever be the same?

I'm now lost.

Everything used to be a great word. I used to associate "everything" with "freedom". I tell you everything because I can. When I say something to you it is not a mere whim for verbal diarrhea. When I tell you an event or a thought and even the simplest of dreams, the only thing lacking is your presence when it happened because in the story that I am retelling, I do not leave out anything for you. But now I find myself losing to a battle that I was not aware of. That by opening up to you the way I had gotten used to would now mean a tragedy waiting to happen just around the corner.

I can no longer tell you everything.

I am suddenly turned into an insensitive devil who spits balls of fire without me knowing it. I become a villain who feels horrible in the end when this very villain never deviced a devious plan in the first place. I am bound to say sorry when I never waged a war right from the start.

When I tell you something in yellow why do you turn it into red?

I speak to you of orange and you turn it into red.

I tell you about green and you turn it into red.

I say something in pink and you turn it into red.

I am getting weary of this monochromatic world. Why turn me into a foe when I come to you as a partner? Must I now guard what I say? Can one live like that for the rest of one's life with someone? I am bound by your love and yet I feel that I am now gagged.

I am so lost.

What Tarot Card Are You?

You are Temperance

Time. Ages. Transformation. Involuntary change

Temperance is another card of aspiration, but also of much change. It often
represents complex situations. Positively, you can harmonize contrary
forces.

Temperance is, on a surface level, about "tempering." The original pouring from cup to cup might have been about cutting wine with water. So this is a card about moderation. There is, however, another angle to the card, that of merging seemingly impossible opposites. Sagittarius, the centaur, merges beast and man into a unique creature. And then there is the bow and arrow, one moving, one stationary, working together to point the way. Temperance may be, at first glance, a warning for you to "temper" your behavior, to cut your wine with water. But it may also be a reminder to that seemingly irreconcilable opposites may not be irreconcilable at all. Belief that fiery red and watery blue cannot be merged may be the only thing standing in the way of blending the two. Change the belief, measure out each with care, and you can create otherworldly violet.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

The happy life cycle

I got this as a forwarded message and it made me smile upon reading it. Come to think of it, people slave away all their lives working hard only to end up in nursing homes waiting for their clock to stop ticking.

It would make more sense if the life cycle is all backwards.

You die first and get it out of the way.

You live in a home for the aged, get a silver watch and go to work.

You work for 40 years until your'e young enough to party, drink booze and get high.

You then become a kid and play all day long with no worries.

Become a little baby all cared for by his parents.

Then you go back to the womb and spend your last nine months all warm and peaceful until you finish off as an orgasm.

Happy Birthday To Me

Your Birthdate: April 23

You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem. You're good at so much - you never know what to do. Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long. You are destined for a life of travel and fun. Your strength: Your likeability Your weakness: You never feel satisfied Your power color: Bright yellow Your power symbol: Asterisk Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?