Haven's Special Day

The warmest birthday greeting to my dear sunshine!

Do you still remember the line

"I'd saint your mother just for giving you birth"

It still holds to be true and yes I have been humming that song the entire day!

Happy Birthday Xam!

May all your wishes come true!

I love you!

And so it goes...

Let me tell you about my day

and perhaps I shall not be judged that way

My day starts at 4:00am when I hear her rustling about

I prepare her breakfast and hope that she eats on her own

I feed her if she does not want to

I clean up after her and go downstairs to do her laundry

keeping silent as I wash her urine-drenched clothes and sheets

I give her a shower in spite of her anger

I change her diaper and hope that it would be a good day

I wash her when she has feces all over her

I clean when she has left a trail of excrement on the floor

while I muster everything for me not to gag or cry

I serve her meals on time and hope that she eats

as I sneak for awhile to freshen myself

I clean up after her and check the time

Half of the day has already gone by

The rest of the day is spent

on answering endless questions repeatedly

Of assisting her walk to and fro when sleep is lost to her

Of taking in her anger when I become her target of wrath

and when she decides to eat the food I give her in the afternoon

there is a certain happiness in me

for it means that I do not have to pick-up the pieces

when she decides to throw those at me

During night time there is not much difference

as days and nights seemed no different to her

A goodnight's sleep is but a rare gift

Sleep is not even a reprieve

When the sun rises to a new morning

my day would begin again...

No this is not my profession

I do not get paid

I care for my grandmother

Without asking anything for myself

So please forgive me If at times I cry or complain

Give me some leeway for I get weary and tired

I feel battered and bruised from deep inside.

The Story of Us

"You Know What..."

What happened today is truly one for the books.

May we never forget what transpired today and be grateful with how much talent you have (not just for sniping) but for the many ways I choose not to mention here, my ebay god.

With you, nothing is impossible.

You are probably tired of hearing this from me but it still holds to be true, there is nothing you can't do.

In Your Sleep

How long have I been here
just watching you sleep
the slow breathing
the steady beat of your heart
your face, a map
holding a thousand stories
how I long to reach out
as I battle time
for in this place that we both share
where today and tomorrow are one
let me hold you as you slumber
let me keep you safe
let me wrap you
with all the love
that I can never say.

Cutting ties (08/29/2010)

How do you even begin to tell a story when wounds are much too deep? When you have no idea when an issue even began, or what event turned things around to make one give-up and take that final step.

Not long ago, a family member dare question if I truly loved my father and that if I truly did, then I was supposed to follow in their lead. In their minds, they firmly believe that what that they are doing is the right thing. In order for me to do something like that, I am to turn my back on everything that I have believed in and forget the person that I am.

I have to learn the art of pretending. Of which I would never do.

I find it to be quite disturbing that their notion of the right path would include crossing lines, sneaking around, hushed whispers of gossip and decisions made by only the few supposedly wise members of the family. I haven't even delved on the topic of respect or perhaps the huge lack of it. They speak of acceptance and yet they turn a blind eye when the same is asked from them. It would seem that their notion of "family" is limited only to those whom they deemed deserving to belong with them.

So I chose to cut my ties. Watched it all fall away.
Nothing grand was lost. No life-altering moment. No sadness nor grief.

In fact there was peace.

8pm

We will forever miss you baby Anya...