Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Are you really there?

It's night time and I just came home from a meeting. I unlocked the door and immediately greeted you and Shadow. My little four-legged boy was running in circles around my feet and was begging for a walk which I indulged him with. After much pulling and tugging, I was able to calm down my not-so-little boy and made him come into the house.

Exhausted and with a splitting headache, I sat down beside you and told you about my day. I spoke quickly and much too excitedly about the meeting I had that I am not sure if I made any sense at all. My stories were all jumbled in my head as I told you things that were bothering me, those that were making me happy and all the worries I was scared shitless about. A monologue which lasted for almost 10 minutes.

Then silence.

I gathered my thoughts, took one deep breath and asked you a question,
an assurance of some sort that things would be okay...

The only light that was on in the house started to flicker and it turned off.

Hmm... I joked about it with you and said that answering me in a dream would have sufficed as I tried to find my way around a pitch dark living room.

I'm taking that your response to me was a "Yes"?
and I am happy that you do miss me too Daddy.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The unspeakable truth

How do I even begin to tell you
the immensity of just how much I am missing you.
Or the fact that I love you.
The kind of love that crawls under my skin
felt from the very core,
which spreads to the tips of my fingers
and explodes in a multitude of colors in my head.
I painstakingly yearn for you
as I go through life's motions day by day
longing for the time I would be allowed
to come home again.