For all the things I cannot say

I'm sorry that I do not know how the rules of this trade go

I am trudging an unknown road that I fear.

I'm sorry that I choose to be the way that I am at this moment

for I do not know how else to become a functioning human.

I'm sorry if my actions are deemed wrong in your eyes

but the things I do are dictated by my heart.

I'm sorry that I do not know how to appease you

but believe me when I say I am truly doing my best.

I'm sorry that I am not the partner that you're used to

but it doesn't mean I love you less.

I'm sorry if I have taken the world on my shoulders,

pray tell who else can take my place.

I'm sorry that my world revolves around my father for now

but I want to spend much of my time with him while he's still around.

I'm sorry if I tire myself to no end until there's nothing left

for when I am alone, I find myself crumbling down in tears.

I'm sorry I cannot take on all the roles like how I used to do

but for now please spare a little more patience with me.

I'm sorry if I have made you to be the source of my strength

something that must've been too taxing for you.

I'm sorry if this is all difficult for you

but do understand that I am so lost myself.

I'm sorry if I have depended on you to be okay while I am not

as a partner I must've been lacking a lot.

I'm sorry I cannot pick-up the pieces around me

when I myself am crashing down.

I'm sorry for believing that you'd understand at all times

I have divided myself much too much.

I'm sorry if I am making mistakes after mistakes

but I am trying, I am trying so hard for everyone.

For everything that is happening

and all that is bound to happen still

I don't want to live in the what if's

and all the I could have been's

Please just give me this chance

he's got but a few months to live,

while we still have a lifetime to share.

They say it's DABDA

I am starting to hate the situation that I am in.

How a plateful of responsibility was unwillingly set on my lap.

The sad part is, when all of this is over,

I know I'd hear yet again,

the voices of the people responsible for this hole that I am in

as they wonder and dare ask -

why nothing is happening in my life.

Tell me how

Today, the doctor told us to accept and prepare ourselves.

Can one ever truly accept and prepare for something

as painful as the death of a very beloved one?

How can you ready yourself to say goodbye

to the man who gave half of himself just to bring me to this world,

to him who patiently took me to work simply because I wouldn't let him go,

to the man who first taught me how to ride a bike,

he who would sit me on his lap, play the guitar as we sang our lungs out,

to him who always gave me more than what I had asked for,

he who has always treated me to be his little princess,

to the man who took my hand as we danced beautifully on my debut

he who told me to go find myself beyond the sun,

to him who took the pains of raising a then stubborn adult-wanna-be,

to he who never gave up on me, on life, and every challenge that came his way,

to the one man I can always count on when all hope seemed to fade,

and to the only man I would ever truly love.

How does one say goodbye?

Please tell me how...

Wondering out loud

With the death of the most loved president of Philippine history,

I stood witness (and even felt a certain sadness myself) as the country mourned the loss.

Now I wonder how the people would celebrate the death of the Philippine's worst president?

I wouldn't be surprised that the news would be followed by parties from one block to another,

people would surely be paid just to watch the funeral march,

an even bigger pay for those who would walk along the cortege,

no public viewing would be available for fear that the only reason people would attend was not because to pay their last respect, rather to check that the blasted woman is truly dead.

To top it all off, what ever will happen to the eulogies?

What does one say when there is nothing good to say?

Ahh yes, probably pay someone to deliver a very well-written, scripted,

all-praise of glory for things-that-were-never-done kind of eulogy.

There problem solved.

Good riddance President Gloria Macapagal - Arroyo.

"Here lies the vertically challenged woman

whose corruption exceeded any politician ever."

By the way, isn't your husband following you yet?

(Ugh! Yet another parasite in our country.)

Asia's first woman president

For days I have seen as things unfold ever since my country's former president died.

Corazon Cojuanco Aquino was diagnosed with colon cancer over a year ago and passed away last August 1, 2009.

The former president seems to have that "effect" over the Filipino people.

From the moment her husband was assassinated down to her passing.

The outpour of grief and support despite torrential rains never ceased.

People stood for hours in line just to take a glimpse of the woman as she lay in her casket, people willing to walk for kilometers along with the cortege despite the pouring rain.

The late president may be the only president whose simplicity and humbleness can never be questioned. Someone who traveled via commercial flights, wore clothes more than once despite what the "fashionistas" seem to believe that doing such is an abomination, these are but mere examples of how she did things considering that her roots are really from a very rich family.

But one cannot talk about the former president without mentioning her late husband Senator Ninoy Aquino, and what struck me the most was the poem written by her husband while he was in jail...

"I have fallen in love

with the same woman three times;

In a day spanning 19 years

of tearful joys and joyful tears.

I loved her first when she was young,

enchanting and vibrant, eternally new.

She was brilliant, fragrant,

and cool as the morning dew.

I fell in love with her the second time;

when first she bore her child and mine

always by my side, the source of my strength,

helping to turn the tide.

But there were candles to burn

the world was my concern;

while our home was her domain.

and the people were mine

while the children were hers to maintain;

So it was in those eighteen years and a day.

’till I was detained; forced in prison to stay.

Suddenly she’s our sole support;

source of comfort,

our wellspring of Hope.

on her shoulders felt the burden of Life.

I fell in love again,

with the same woman the third time.

Looming from the battle,

her courage will never fade

Amidst the hardships she has remained,

undaunted and unafraid.

she is calm and composed,

she is God's lovely maid."

Goodbye Madam Cory,

join your husband in the heavens.

Rejoice as another Sigma Deltan and Upsilonian

are once again joint in heaven.

Marriages left and right...

I heard you got married today.

Did you really get what you've always wanted?

I hope that by doing this you'd stop hiking up my ass

about not giving you the papers you've always "needed".

But please oh please oh please...

don't bear another child for crying out loud.

It's bad enough that I find your wedding to be

shamelessly unethical and utterly distasteful.

For decency's sake, don't give me a sibling

who'll be younger than your 1 month old grandchild!

These and more

- Holding your hand.

- Dates in a carwash stop.

- Resting my head on your shoulder as you drive.

- Feed you while you drive.

- See your face in the morning.

- You coming through the door.

- Sleeping in your arms.

- Yes, even drooling on your shirt.

- Watching cartoons non-stop.

- Pillow talks.

- Coming home...

These are but a few of what seems to be

nothing but seemingly simple things

that other people take for granted,

and I long to feel them once again.