Friday, September 11, 2009

A Daughter's Eulogy

My Daddy Brod

I remember distinctly that particular Sunday morning when my father told me not to join a sorority yet since I was still a freshman at the time. I was both nervous and anxious since I was already a member of the Sigma Delta Phi Sorority and had no way of denying my batch when it was time to introduce myself to him as a sister.
When the time of introductions came, I bravely shook his hand and introduced myself as Gwen '97, he smiled widely as he took my hand, stated his name and enunciated his batch. He told me how our seniority would work perfectly for him at home.
I can never forget that smile.

My dad took on many roles.
He was everything and anything I needed him to be on any particular moment.

My daddy when I was a kid...
He would sit me on his lap, play the guitar and we'd sing our hearts out.
He was there when I first tried to ride a bike. All the while I thought it was so easy to ride since I was doing it with much ease, only to realize that all the while, his hand was behind me making sure that I wouldn't fall.

My dad when I was a teen...
While I was addicted to changing looks, he was the one who would actually dye my hair as long as we agree on a particular shade. He never fancied too much color. When I turned 18, he was my first dance, he whispered to me that no matter how grown up I become,
I will always be his princess.

My dad when I was a young adult...
He took on the role of being not just our father but a mother, a chef, chauffeur, electrician, plumber, carpenter, and everything rolled in between.

My adult life with him may have been cut short,
but I have no regrets.

Now that he's gone,
offer me no cliches,
or say the same old overused lines.
For no matter how much time passes by
I know I will forever miss him.

My father once told me to go find myself beyond the sun...

Daddy, I will try my very best.
I love you so much.
You will always be my only hero.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Friday, September 04, 2009

For all the things I cannot say

I'm sorry that I do not know how the rules of this trade go
I am trudging an unknown road that I fear.

I'm sorry that I choose to be the way that I am at this moment
for I do not know how else to become a functioning human.

I'm sorry if my actions are deemed wrong in your eyes
but the things I do are dictated by my heart.

I'm sorry that I do not know how to appease you
but believe me when I say I am truly doing my best.

I'm sorry that I am not the partner that you're used to
but it doesn't mean I love you less.

I'm sorry if I have taken the world on my shoulders,
pray tell who else can take my place.

I'm sorry that my world revolves around my father for now
but I want to spend much of my time with him while he's still around.

I'm sorry if I tire myself to no end until there's nothing left
for when I am alone, I find myself crumbling down in tears.

I'm sorry I cannot take on all the roles like how I used to do
but for now please spare a little more patience with me.

I'm sorry if I have made you to be the source of my strength
something that must've been too taxing for you.

I'm sorry if this is all difficult for you
but do understand that I am so lost myself.

I'm sorry if I have depended on you to be okay while I am not
as a partner I must've been lacking a lot.

I'm sorry I cannot pick-up the pieces around me
when I myself am crashing down.

I'm sorry for believing that you'd understand at all times
I have divided myself much too much.

I'm sorry if I am making mistakes after mistakes
but I am trying, I am trying so hard for everyone.

For everything that is happening
and all that is bound to happen still
I don't want to live in the what if's
and all the I could have been's

Please just give me this chance
he's got but a few months to live,
while we still have a lifetime to share.