Friday, September 04, 2009

For all the things I cannot say

I'm sorry that I do not know how the rules of this trade go
I am trudging an unknown road that I fear.

I'm sorry that I choose to be the way that I am at this moment
for I do not know how else to become a functioning human.

I'm sorry if my actions are deemed wrong in your eyes
but the things I do are dictated by my heart.

I'm sorry that I do not know how to appease you
but believe me when I say I am truly doing my best.

I'm sorry that I am not the partner that you're used to
but it doesn't mean I love you less.

I'm sorry if I have taken the world on my shoulders,
pray tell who else can take my place.

I'm sorry that my world revolves around my father for now
but I want to spend much of my time with him while he's still around.

I'm sorry if I tire myself to no end until there's nothing left
for when I am alone, I find myself crumbling down in tears.

I'm sorry I cannot take on all the roles like how I used to do
but for now please spare a little more patience with me.

I'm sorry if I have made you to be the source of my strength
something that must've been too taxing for you.

I'm sorry if this is all difficult for you
but do understand that I am so lost myself.

I'm sorry if I have depended on you to be okay while I am not
as a partner I must've been lacking a lot.

I'm sorry I cannot pick-up the pieces around me
when I myself am crashing down.

I'm sorry for believing that you'd understand at all times
I have divided myself much too much.

I'm sorry if I am making mistakes after mistakes
but I am trying, I am trying so hard for everyone.

For everything that is happening
and all that is bound to happen still
I don't want to live in the what if's
and all the I could have been's

Please just give me this chance
he's got but a few months to live,
while we still have a lifetime to share.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is very beautiful. I feel for you. My father left in a heartbeat and was gone before his body hit the ground. No-one got to say goodbye -and the pain over that haunts me to this day. My sincerest love to you and your dad. My thoughts are with you both. As are the tears... xox