Sunday, March 01, 2009

A cry for help.

I have always prided myself for being a strong, stubborn, independent, decisive and driven woman. But lately, lately I have found myself going in all directions. I feel that I am torn and pulled by a lot of things, people, circumstances, lack of decision and fear.
Yes fear. I am scared beyond my capacity.
A certain point in my life where insecurities set in.

Past mistakes seem to haunt me.
Wrong decisions I have made in the years past are dug.
Mistakes of my youth are reflected upon.
The I should-have-beens take a piece of me.
The uncertainty of my future takes a bigger chunk of me.
I feel that I am going round in circles.
An endless cycle of roundabout. It offered me some time.
Time to escape for awhile.

I took solace in that indecisive paradise for awhile,
yet I am wrong once again.

When I should have faced it head-on I opted to escape.
I ran because I was scared... I am still scared.
I fear that I will not be able to meet the expectations,
the hopes, the dreams.
I still feel sorry. I am weak. I am lost,
and I am asking for your hand to take
to not let me escape what should be
and to know that if everything else fails,
I would still have you.

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